“Divorce Talk” With Children

As soon as you’re certain of your plans to divorce, talk to your child about your decision to live apart. Although there’s no easy way to break the news, if possible have both parents be there for this conversation. It’s not the place for badmouthing, bashing or brainwashing and the two of you need to put your children first and leave feelings of anger, guilt, or blame out of it.

Here’s your first chance to co-parent together and it starts with how to tell the children and explaining divorce to them.

Attorney Judith A. Heller emphasizes that, although the discussion about divorce should be tailored to ages and stages (the child’s age, maturity, and temperament), be sure to convey one basic message: What happened is between mom and dad and does not have anything to do with the children. Most kids will feel they are to blame even after parents have said that they are not. So it’s vital for parents to keep providing this reassurance.

Expect your children to be lost.  Their own natural place in the family won’t be the same anymore.  Also, don’t be surprised to learn that most children have a “secret mission” to reunite their parents.  If they are asked, they will usually prefer the parents to stay together instead of getting a divorce.  This is still the case when the marriage has been difficult because children are extremely loyal to their parents.  They will often deny and hide their own feelings.

Having the “divorce talk” with a child who you love is one of the toughest conversations you’ll ever have.  If you’re looking for sage advice, refer to the best books to read and movies to watch.  Moreover, professionals all agree on some of the most common mistakes parents make when bringing-up divorce or separation.  These include:

• Asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or choosing sides.

• Failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their fault.

• Forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be their parents – even after divorce!

• Confiding adult details to children in order to attract their allegiance or sympathy.

• Neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe, innocent and very much loved.

These are just some of the most common mistakes or messages that parents fail to convey, not because they intend to, but because they’re just not prepared (and probably very scared). 

The attorneys from The Law Offices of Irwin M. Pollack deal with these issues every day, and in many cases, we’ve been through it ourselves!  Once you determine whether you need an attorney, learn more about our firm then contact us for a free consultation.

Whether you are contemplating a divorce, have just been served divorce papers, or are interested into checking into your rights or options, the skilled lawyers at our Massachusetts divorce law firm are well-qualified to answer your questions.  We counsel clients throughout the metro Boston area, along with the towns and cities surrounding the Metro West and Worcester; Cape Cod and Cambridge; the South Shore and the North Shore.  With our main office in Dedham, we also allow for appointments in Andover, Worcester or Plymouth/Cape Cod.  Contact our Boston Divorce Attorneys for a free, no-obligation consultation or call (781) 461-9800.